SEC Chairman Takes a Swing at Crypto, Y’all Ain’t Necessary

According to ol’ Gary, we don’t need more digital currency. Nope, we already got plenty. He pointed at the U.S. dollar, the euro, and even the yen, sayin’ they’re all digital now. Well, ain’t that just dandy? Who needs this fancy-schmancy crypto stuff when we got good ol’ paper money, right?

But here’s the kicker, folks. It ain’t really about regulation or protecting the little guy. Nah, it’s all about protectin’ the U.S. Dollar, our beloved greenbacks. Ain’t that a surprise? I reckon not. Even our neighbors up in Canada started promotin’ their own fancy digital currency. So, it’s only a matter of time before Uncle Sam jumps on the bandwagon.

Now, if the SEC really cared about us regular folks and small-time investors, they would ban them darn casinos, don’t ya think? But nope, they’re too busy pickin’ on crypto. Even that loudmouth Jim Cramer joined in, blowin’ hot air as always, tellin’ ya to get out of crypto. Well, well, Jimbo, maybe you just want us to keep feedin’ the old system so inflation can keep knockin’ us out, huh?

Good ol’ Gensler, he’s been callin’ crypto the Wild West for a while now. And boy, did he give those crypto exchanges a good scoldin’. He’s mighty upset about ’em comminglin’ functions and takin’ risks with customer funds. He compared it to the New York Stock Exchange runnin’ a hedge fund and doin’ all sorts of shady stuff. But you know what, Gary? We ain’t gonna start with the stock tradin’ at the Pink Sheets, no sir! The crypto generation sees through all them lies and paintin’ it pretty.

In the past couple of days, Gensler decided to sue Binance, the big dog of crypto exchanges, for not registerin’ with the SEC and for lettin’ Americans get mixed up with its parent company, which is sittin’ pretty in the Cayman Islands. They claimed they ain’t got no headquarters, but the SEC ain’t buyin’ it. They say Binance tried to pull a fast one, puttin’ on a show for the public while sneakin’ around behind the scenes. Well, ain’t that a surprise?

And guess what? The SEC didn’t stop there. They also went after Coinbase, the big ol’ American crypto exchange, for not playin’ by the rules. They accused ’em of puttin’ customer funds in danger and actin’ like an unlicensed securities exchange, brokerage, and clearin’ agency. And here’s the kicker, folks—Gary Gensler couldn’t even answer if Ethereum is a security or not when asked by Congress. Ain’t that somethin’?

But ol’ Gensler defended the time it took ’em to go after these companies. He said they were workin’ real hard, connectin’ the dots ever since the FTX collapse last year. Innovations, my friends, they’re for everyone—except maybe here on the North American continent.